When Someone You Love Betrays You

Loved ones often make mistakes and you have probably learned to forgive children, parents, spouses, and siblings in the past. Perhaps the situation you were involved in seemed minor enough to let the person know how you felt and allow him to apologize and hopefully learn his own lesson. But what happens when a serious or major betrayal occurs between you and a close family member or friend? If a loved one deceived you or was disloyal to you, were you able to show compassion, empathy, and forgiveness, or have you bottled up anger, resentment, and hurt? It's important to let yourself process feelings. A betrayal or injustice is similar to a loss. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is known for her work with death and dying as it relates to loss and proposed the following five-step emotional process one experiences when going through loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. If a loved one hurts or betrays you, you may also sense these feelings, sometimes all in the same day. When grieving the loss of trust and connection, the time it takes to heal can vary. Ultimately, healthy coping involves acceptance and eventually forgiveness. Forgiving the person who you perceive caused you pain is different than saying what he or she did was OK. You are merely ready to release the burden of anger so that your own self-care can be tended to and you can move forward fearlessly in life.

My eternal love for others transcends human mistakes; however, I clearly set boundaries and know when it is time for me to take care of myself. I consciously choose experiences and relationships that I feel are in my highest and best interest. I am able to forgive and it feels liberating.

Projecting Insecurities at Others

When you become stressed or emotionally upset and lash out at others, it's important to understand what caused the anger outburst. Often, personal fears or insecurities get disguised as projections of blame toward someone else. Look at the patterns of anger or resentment in your life, either at particular people or others in general. Then examine your life from an outside of the box perspective. If you are mad at someone for babying her child too much or for spending too much money on unnecessary items, you need to first examine your personal aspects related to those life areas. Did you raise your own child in a way you regret? Or, are you spending excessive amounts of money on leisure activities or products? The most difficult thing in life may be to look inside yourself, discover your own faults and mistakes, and then actually admit them. Once you realize that you may be projecting your own fears and insecurities at others, especially ones you love, you can then start to evolve through a personal growth and development process.

Before I express any harsh feelings toward someone else, I take a deep breath. I slow down and remain in the present moment. My feelings are my own and if I am upset with someone, I communicate in a confident, assertive, and productive manner.