When Someone You Love Betrays You

Loved ones often make mistakes and you have probably learned to forgive children, parents, spouses, and siblings in the past. Perhaps the situation you were involved in seemed minor enough to let the person know how you felt and allow him to apologize and hopefully learn his own lesson. But what happens when a serious or major betrayal occurs between you and a close family member or friend? If a loved one deceived you or was disloyal to you, were you able to show compassion, empathy, and forgiveness, or have you bottled up anger, resentment, and hurt? It's important to let yourself process feelings. A betrayal or injustice is similar to a loss. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is known for her work with death and dying as it relates to loss and proposed the following five-step emotional process one experiences when going through loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. If a loved one hurts or betrays you, you may also sense these feelings, sometimes all in the same day. When grieving the loss of trust and connection, the time it takes to heal can vary. Ultimately, healthy coping involves acceptance and eventually forgiveness. Forgiving the person who you perceive caused you pain is different than saying what he or she did was OK. You are merely ready to release the burden of anger so that your own self-care can be tended to and you can move forward fearlessly in life.

My eternal love for others transcends human mistakes; however, I clearly set boundaries and know when it is time for me to take care of myself. I consciously choose experiences and relationships that I feel are in my highest and best interest. I am able to forgive and it feels liberating.

Projecting Insecurities at Others

When you become stressed or emotionally upset and lash out at others, it's important to understand what caused the anger outburst. Often, personal fears or insecurities get disguised as projections of blame toward someone else. Look at the patterns of anger or resentment in your life, either at particular people or others in general. Then examine your life from an outside of the box perspective. If you are mad at someone for babying her child too much or for spending too much money on unnecessary items, you need to first examine your personal aspects related to those life areas. Did you raise your own child in a way you regret? Or, are you spending excessive amounts of money on leisure activities or products? The most difficult thing in life may be to look inside yourself, discover your own faults and mistakes, and then actually admit them. Once you realize that you may be projecting your own fears and insecurities at others, especially ones you love, you can then start to evolve through a personal growth and development process.

Before I express any harsh feelings toward someone else, I take a deep breath. I slow down and remain in the present moment. My feelings are my own and if I am upset with someone, I communicate in a confident, assertive, and productive manner.

Conscious Engagement in Romance

Romantic love can elicit a range of emotions such as anticipation, joy, sorrow, heartache, passion, bliss, and fear. If you wish to sustain a healthy, committed romantic relationship, you have to consider where you are on your own journey in life. A healthy, evolving you plus a healthy, evolving partner equals a healthy, evolving relationship. Not all romantic relationships are meant to remain until death, but they all serve a purpose in at least one chapter of your life. Before you enter into a romantic partnership, examine your own sense of independence, life choices and patterns, financial stability, emotional and mental balance, and sense of contentment with life. Look at any patterns that you've repeated in past relationships and seek to understand the underlying message and lesson so that you can grow, develop, and improve. Consciously engaging in a love partnership means promoting a mind, body, heart, and soul connection. Set the intention to meet someone who resonates with you on all levels and be open to receiving an amazing experience.

I consciously participate in my romantic relationship. I love to connect with my partner on a holistic level. The amazing romantic person I attract is a life partner whom I can evolve alongside. We understand each other and connect physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Love Is the Answer

Love is a universally positive emotion that serves to transcend any illusion of fear in whatever form it may take. If you find it hard to extend loving feelings to those who have hurt you in the past, start by showing yourself love. Mentally, you can infuse your thoughts with love by transforming self-defeating patterns and words into empowering intentions and affirmations. When you have an unhealthy or non-productive thought about yourself, take a deep breath. Cancel out the effects of it by declaring, "Cancel, clear, delete," and re-word the statement from a place of self-love. If you constantly think, "I'm sick of my big thighs!" You can rephrase and affirm, "My body is the temple of my soul. It is sacred and I vow to respect it with love and kindness." Closing your eyes and breathing while affirming something positive and healthy can help you remain in the moment. Visualize loving, pure energy flowing throughout your entire being and into every cell. The mental-emotional aspect of change can be the hardest. Explore emotional issues from your family of origin or past relationships in which your needs were unmet. Perhaps your father mistreated you or your ex-girlfriend verbally abused you. Before physical change can endure, the underlying mental, emotional, and spiritual concerns have to be dealt with and handled healthily. Improved thoughts are only one aspect of change. Believing in yourself and believing you deserve good and deserve to be loved is integral for creating authentic and solid change.

I love me and all that I encompass. Joy, peace, bliss, and love radiate from all aspects of my being. My mind, body, heart, and soul exude love for myself, my friends and family, my community, and the world. Love is the key and answer to healing me and healing the world.

Co-Dependency on Others

When you are living in an authentic reality manifested from your own feelings, thoughts, desires, and beliefs, you are less likely to be or become co-dependent on someone else's attitudes or traits. Co-dependency weakens individualism, originality, and creative potential. Being co-dependent, especially on those with addictive tendencies, is usually a learned behavior that can be passive-aggressive in nature. In the clinical sense, co-dependency can be seen as an addiction problem that has to be dealt with psychologically. In day-to-day events, you can examine if you are living, thinking, feeling, and believing from your own consciousness and heart's truest desires. Or, are you basing your reality on someone else's fluctuations in emotions, actions, and relationships? Detaching and cutting literal and metaphoric cords to another person in a co-dependent relationship can help you feel liberated and free to finally live your own life authentically.

I am true to my own needs, desires, values, and beliefs. I form healthy relationships with others and clear boundaries are set. I am free to express my own beliefs, individual characteristics, and interests. I respect other people's paths and detach compassionately.

Learning to Be Non-Judgmental

While living a human existence you are in a position to make decisions based on what you feel is right or best for you and your family. In doing so, you often have to examine the thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and character traits of others' and the situations they present. Sometimes you can get caught up in feeling what's right for you is also right for someone else. If you make a judgment on another you may tend to belittle or impose your opinion on that person or his or her experiences. In order to maintain your power and confidence without hurting someone else's feelings, you can choose a position of discernment and nonjudgment instead. Discernment allows you to think and feel from a sense of esteem, courage, and self-care so that you can maintain your decision and boundaries confidently without passing judgment on someone else's choices. You can simply declare, "I prefer things to be done this way as I feel it is the best decision for me and my loved ones."



I choose from a place of confidence and discernment, not judgment. I only have control of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and relationships. I allow others to honor their own paths without passing judgment on them, but it doesn't mean I have to agree or side with them also.

How to Really Forgive Someone

When someone hurts you, the pain can become consuming and affect all aspects of yourself - mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Forgiviness is an act often declared as a step toward healing and growth. Being ready and willing and actually forgiving someone can be a process that takes time, self-reflection, confidence, and courage. Feeling or perceiving you were wronged is something personal and internal, whether or not an actual malevolence was intended. If there is a question about the nature of the incidenct, speak with the other party first before assuming the harmful behavior was purposeful. If someone clearly said something to hurt your feelings, physically abused you, affirmed negative statements about your character, or chastised you for the path you are on in life, you must deal with the consequences and how any insults influence you now. Reactively, you may feel like retorting back hurtfully, but this is not productive. If you must redeem yourself, do it with dignity and esteem. Own your responsibility in the matter and explain your perspective honestly and without judgment or bias. If the other person chooses to continue to berate or abuse then let the situation go and ask for a blessing of healing in the highest and best way. When you have processed the experience from a higher understanding, forgive the person for any mistake or error. You are not endorsing the hurtful act through forgiveness. You are only allowing yourself not to be hurt anymore by releasing anger, resentment, and frustration. Choose peace by filling and surrounding your heart and body with love and light.

I finally allow myself to forgive those who have hurt me now or in the past. I allow myself to be filled with love as old anger, resentment, and negative energy attachments are released. I am free!